It's All Downhill From Here

Here's another treasure from a few years back that is sure make you feel better about yourself by comparison. As a warning, this story is particularly bad so do not use this story to make any snap judgments about me. I wish things had happened differently.

At the time I had recently started a new job and was on my first business trip out to Colorado to meet with partnering company. We were in a session of afternoon meetings and presentations and we found ourselves waiting while the presenter was plugging into the projector.

I began small talking with one of the persons there who happened to be a very avid skier. He then began telling this story about how he and two of his friends had climbed this mountain to do some back woods skiing one afternoon. He went into this gripping story of how on the way down the slope an avalanche had broke and began chasing them down. They couldn't outrun the wall of snow so they headed towards the edges to try to get out of its path. He concluded this adrenaline filled story with him finally reaching the tree line off to the side.

I had this huge smile and wide eyes on my face as I exclaimed how incredible and awesome that experience must have been. The adrenaline junkie in me was jealous over the excitement he must have felt while outrunning an avalanche. I told him all this while trying to hold back a laugh because I thought that must have been the best time of his life and nothing could top such a fun experience.

Then everything changed. I watched as the face of this racer of avalanches became beet red. My laughter faded quickly. The story wasn't over.

"After the avalanche had passed I went back out onto the slope. After I found my first friend and realized it was already too late I had to decide if I should continue to unbury him or search for my other fiend."

That's it. That's how this story ended, with a twist I never imagined happening. Out of all the embarrassing moments and awkward situations I have found myself in this one left me feeling the worst. Here I was on one of my first business trips laughing as my host told me the story of how he lost two of his best friends in one swift swoop of an oversized snow bank. I was paralyzed, I couldn't say anything. I didn't want to make things worse.

I never went back. That was my first and only trip there. I can't help but think this has helped solidify my hatred for the winter season. Even though this occurred in July I feel completely justified in using this as a supporting reason as to why winter is the worst season of all. The more important thing to take away is to save you laughter until the end because there may be a punch line you just don't see coming, one that will knock the wind right out of you.

Fences Make Good Neighbors

It's been a while since my last entry, but do not worry, I've got a good story to share. It's not so much embarrassing as it is just a moment that I thought I would get to share with everyone else. It mixes relaxation, camping, and animals in such a way that made for a very exciting weekend.

Late this past summer my friends and I planned out a nice long weekend camping trip on the outskirts of Muskegon. We had it all; there were friends, fires, s'mores, grilling and tubing down the river. But that wasn't the most exciting part. The first night we were there we were bombarded by an unexpected guest, Mr. T Storm. We're not talking about a light sprinkling, We're talking about nearly 7 hours of cats and dog raining. If you've ever stayed in a tent in the rain you know that no matter how "water proof" a tent claims to be somehow water manages to persevere and find a way inside. By the time morning came we were laying in a huge puddle of rain water.

Although the weekend was off to a rough start everything turned around after that and we all had a blast tubing, sitting around the fire and grilling. By the time it was time to go who knew that the most eventful part was yet to come. We had heard that there was some kind of fenced in animal reserve like area. We searched around till we found it and then we walked around the perimeter till we ran into some fawns. They were right along the fenced and would like your hand when you put it through the fence. They would nuzzle right up to the fence while you would pet them. After petting the deer we continued walking along the fence until we came to some giant elk and then just beyond those were some bison or buffalo or something like that. Considering how tame the fawn were I decided to see if the buffalo were equally as friendly. I slowly walked up to the fence. Now I have to pause to clarify. When I saw fence I'm talking about a weak chicken-wire like fence, not the inter-woven chain ink variety. I found a small break in the fence and stuck my hand through. A buffalo that was about 15 feet away say my hand and flipped out. The next sight I saw was a huge 8 feet buffalo was barrelling toward me and the only thing between me and him was a pipe-cleaner fence. My initial reaction was to run but then I remembered that you aren't supposed to make any quick motions. I was torn, run for my life, or stand my ground against a couple ton bison. No where have I ever heard the correct response to a bison attack. After doing some kind of shuffle-stutter-step dance, right before the beast was going to smash through the fence it fell over onto it's side repeatedly. Odd... Well I wasn't about to wait for it to come to it's senses so I began to slowly walk backwards away from it. The entire time I was walking away it continued to follow me along the fence line. When we came along to a corner in the fence it got "stuck" and I was able to safely lose him.

That buffalo encounter was the exciting conclusion to the fun filled camping weekend extravaganza. Now for a few words of wisdom that may save your life someday. If you ever find yourself being attacked by a buffalo don't run, but don't not run either. Instead, as fast as you can, build a chicken-wire fence.